Aaminin ko, I felt somehow I don’t want to go out that morning for some reason. First ayoko gumastos dahil need ko magtipid para sa mga umaasa na inaanak ko, then second hindi ako sure saan ako pupunta that morning. I usually attend the evening service dahil after Sunday class ko yun. Pero today I don’t have class naka Holiday break na kami. As I ponder while still laying comfortable at my bed – I came to my senses and decided to where to go.
Naisip ko, yung mga ganitong moments na nag doubt ako, na confuse saan ako pupunta at ano ang gagawin ko ang mga pagkakataon din na nanghihina ako at need ko magpalakas. I would admit medyo challenging ang mga nakaraang araw – that’s for another entry.
Natapos na ang lahat sa loob ng 30mins – mabilis lang talaga ako mag prepare pag may pupuntahan ako, compare pag kumakain ako, napakabagal ng kubyertos makarating sa bibig ko. So, I booked a ride and voila 20mins nasa area na ako.
Ang fresh ng pakiramdam – gusto ko ang morning service honestly because it reminds me of my younger years sa province. The 9AM service gave me so much feels plus the view beside me, I like glass walls and nature, napapa emote ako at napapa isip ng mabubuting bagay which is really good for today.
Beautiful, marvelous, magnificent and amazing – that’s all the words linger in my head and pinched my heart while singing my heart along with the music team that morning. Then when am ready to listen to the word – an interruption, a good interruption.
Hosanna, the word itself means two thoughts.
First, it’s a cry for help. A shout of redemption from a misery.
Second, it’s a praise. A declaration of victory from a desperation.
Bigla na lang tumulo ng sunod sunod ang luha ko. The one at the stage that morning was used to minister to my inner sense. I was in tears as I sang again,
Hosanna in the highest,
Heal my heart and make it clean
Open up my eyes to the things unseen
Show me how to love like you have loved me
Break my heart for what breaks yours
Everything I am for your kingdom’s cause
As I walk from earth into eternity
I would like to think that it’s my battle cry as I end this 2019.
A cry for help yet shout of victory because hope came for me.
Yung every line ng song na to, pierce through me. Naging mahirap ang 2019 sa akin, ang daming breaking, emptying and at times crying in silence. Pero alam ko in those moments, Someone knew and loved me still, and Hosanna for His Name sake, for He is indeed and forever faithful despite all my bruised that about to heal, and the scars that will always remind that this year ends still focusing on Him.
Natapos ang service with gladness and delight in my whole being.
Not because I’m full well, but because I am still known and loved by Him.
Question: What is your 2019 word that reflects the year had been?